Random SBRL Drables
by IceprincessIsis3
Summary: Drabbles generated by a drabble-matic. They're meant to not make sense, but be funny and silly. Some are happy and some are sad.
1. Chapter 1

****A Gold Day To Fuck****

**Sirius stepped huskily out into the silver sunshine, and admired Remus's cock. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a pretty sight."**

**Remus climbed off the cookie and walked gruffly across the grass to greet his lover. Sirius patted Remus on the arse and then tried to fuck him hotly, but without success.**

**"That's all right," Remus said. "We can try again later."**

**"I'm just not red," Sirius. "Not as red as the time we fucked on a bed."**

**Remus nodded snidely. "We were rough back in those days."**

**"Our hands were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Sirius said. "Everything seems smart and bright when you're young."**

**"Of course," Remus said. "But now we're blue, we can still have fun. If we go about it sarcastically."**

**"Sarcastically?" Sirius said . "But how?"**

**"With this," Remus said and held out a shiny cake. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fuck."**

**Sirius swallowed the cake at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fuck sarcastically. They fucked like they were caught doing something that they knew they shouldn't have done. Three times.**

**And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I Saw Remus Kissing Santa Claus**

Sirius woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one shiny box that looked like a cake.

Then Sirius noticed that Remus was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Sirius thought that he would surprise Remus. Maybe even sneak up behind him and fuck him on his silver hand. That always made Remus bright.

Sirius crept hotly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its blue lights, and the presents, heaped up sarcastically, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Remus. Kissing someone.

Sirius was so angry, he picked up a book from a table and threw it snidely on a bed.

They both looked around.

"Remus, you red stag!" Sirius yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Sirius looked and then rubbed his cock and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Remus said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a pretty kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Sirius said gruffly. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be rough."

That seemed reasonable. Sirius went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like they were caught doing something that they knew they shouldn't have done. He made Sirius's arse feel all gold.

"You see?" Remus said huskily and Sirius saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.


	3. Chapter 3

****A Blue Occurrence****

**Sirius paced up and down, jiggling his hand. His very good friend, Mary Sue Book, had arranged to meet him here on a bed. "I have something red to tell you," she had said.**

**Mary Sue Book was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Sirius expected to see her bounce up, her smart hair streaming behind her and her pretty eyes aglow.**

**Sirius heard footsteps, but they seemed rather silver for a delicate and shiny girl like Mary Sue Book, whose tread was gold. He turned around and found Remus staring at him.**

**"What are you doing here?" Remus said hotly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."**

**Sirius had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so sarcastically. "Mary Sue Book asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Remus, his arse began to throb huskily.**

**"Oh," Remus said, snidely. "I'll just go then."**

**"Wait," Sirius said and caught Remus by his cock. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"**

**"Yes," Remus said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like they were caught doing something that they knew they shouldn't have done.**

**From behind a cake, Mary Sue Book watched with a bright light in her rough eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Sirius/Remus". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the stag from extinction.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Gold Love**

Sirius finished packing. Ever since Remus, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Sirius had been rough.

There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing fucked him, all was blue. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going on a bed to become a shiny cookie.

Just then, there was a red knock at the door. Sirius opened it and stood there snidely for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his cock.

When Sirius came to, Remus was holding his arse and looking bright. "My love," Remus said huskily, "I'm sorry for the smart shock. I've been shipwrecked on a silver island for the last ten years, living like they were caught doing something that they knew they shouldn't have done. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my hand in the wreck. Can you still love me?"

Sirius could hardly believe his Remus had returned. "I will always love you, hand or no hand. Besides, you can cover it up with a cake."

They embraced gruffly and vowed to never be parted again.

And all was pretty.


	5. Chapter 5

**The Adventure Of The Stag**

Sirius and Remus were out for a silver Valentine's walk on a bed. As they went, Remus rested his hand on Sirius's arse. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so gold, Sirius was filled with bright dread.

"Do you suppose it's rough here?" he asked sarcastically.

"You shiny silly," Remus said, tickling Sirius with his cookie. "It's completely red."

Just then, a smart stag leapt out from behind a book and fucked Remus in the hand. "Aaargh!" Remus screamed.

Things looked pretty. But Sirius, although he was blue, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a cake and, like they were caught doing something that they knew they shouldn't have done, beat the stag snidely until it ran off. "That will teach you to fuck innocent people."

Then he clasped Remus close. Remus was bleeding hotly. "My darling," Sirius said, and pressed his lips to Remus's cock.

"I love you," Remus said huskily, and expired in Sirius's arms.

Sirius never loved again.


	6. Chapter 6

****1000 Cake Stags****

**Sirius paced snidely back and forth. Silver dread filled his heart. Remus should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. _Oh, my shiny love,_ Sirius thought. _Where could you be?_**

**Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Remus had been taken hostage by Gold Cock, a supervillain who had the city in a state of smart terror. Sirius fainted dead away, like they were caught doing something that they knew they shouldn't have done.**

**When he came to, there was a bump on his arse and the silver dread had returned. "Remus, my bright honey bunny," he cried out huskily. "What is Gold Cock doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing gruffly as he fucked him in the hand.**

**In the midst of all the terror and tears, Sirius remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 cake stags, then whatever you wish for will come true.**

**Sirius ordered in a supply of cake and set to work, folding stags until his arse was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last stag when Remus walked in the front door.**

**"Remus!" Sirius screamed and threw himself into Remus's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 cake stags and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing on a bed. He kissed Remus sarcastically on the hand.**

**"Actually," Remus said, pulling away hotly, "I was rescued by the Rough Cookie. He's a new superhero in town." Remus sighed. "And he's really pretty."**

**The silver dread came back. "But you're blue to be back here with me, right?"**

**Remus checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Rough Cookie for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay red, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.**

**Sirius choked back a sob and started folding another stag. Then he went out and got drunk instead.**


End file.
